Most effective classroom management plan [closed]

Suppose I invite you to dinner. I want you to have the best experience possible. So I will manage things to maximize what I think is this best experience.

Of course, everyone needs a place setting. So I prepare name cards so that you sit at your assigned place. I think I know best who you will like to talk to, so please stay in your seat during dinner.

I think the food should be served in a particular order. So everyone needs to enjoy the same course at the same time. Of course, wasting food is sinful (or socially unacceptable) so we will wait until everyone finishes their course before moving on to the next. You may have water at anytime, but the wine/beverage only does best with certain courses. Please don't drink the wine except during those courses.

Of course, we want to observe proper table manners. My apologies if you are left-handed (or single handed), please use the knife and spoon with the right hand and the fork with the left. We don't want confusion or delay, and keeping diversity to the minimum should enhance everyone's experience, right?

Of course people will need to attend to (ahem) personal matters. There will be restroom breaks between the fourth and fifth courses (not during the fourth course), and between the twelfth and thirteenth courses (not during the twelfth course). A bell will ring to remind you at the appropriate time. Please return to your seats for the beginning of the next course, so that there is no delay.

Regarding discussion, preferably only one person speaks at a time, and every one should pay attention to that person. We will have a microphone-shaped marker to pass around; you will be briefed on its use at the beginning of dinner. The list of topics to talk about will be on the green sheet; the areas to avoid on the red. Don't confuse them!

...

I could go on, but what I have just done in my enthusiasm to do well is going to turn out to be a recipe for disaster. People will either be too frightened or resentful to contribute, or you will spend too much time attempting to enforce conformity. People will not remember how the food tasted or how delightful and edifying the dinner conversation was; they will remember the farce of attempted "experience management" that you hosted.

This is directly inspired by imagination and by your list. In my (not so humble) opinion, you are concocting a plan for failure.

I agree that certain behaviour is encouraged in a classroom, that there should be rules, that to get things done in an effective fashion and not waste anyone's time, there should be a plan and guidelines. Indeed you should have such a list. However, if you are upfront and promoting the list before the material, I think you are not educating; I think you are (attempting to be) controlling.

There are ways to achieve similar goals, but using a different approach. Show students that this is a relaxed and inviting atmosphere, encourage certain values by actions and behaviour, recruit others to help this encouragement along, teach by modelling, and be forgiving about departures and mistakes. This can encourage confidence as well as the desire to learn. In my view, your list does not do that.

Of course, I'm not in your shoes, and I don't know what your agenda really is. There are situations where your list might be ideal. Certainly I don't disagree with some of the intent behind having such rules. Just remember how easily dinner can go bad, regardless of how first-rate the food and drink are.

Gerhard "Class Over. Time For Snack." Paseman, 2015.07.26