Soft-skills… how and why?

manpreet Best Answer 2 years ago

Intro: I'm originally a physicist, and I love programming since my childhood (primarily C++). After finishing my PhD in physics, I did a post-doctoral fellowship in a university for 2 years, where in that period I was deciding whether I want to continue in research or move to industry. Long story short, I searched for a job in industry, and within 2 months I was hired in a software company. During the first 3 months, I read 4 books on networking, multithreading, hacking and code-style. I work 8 hours at work every day, and I continue the rest programming in my own projects (including most of the weekends).

Why am I mentioning this? Because it may explain what happened later in my 3-months review meeting with my boss, which showed that I'm very good at what I do... but...

The 3 months review came up, and my boss put her right hand up and said "here's your technical skills", and the other hand down and said "here's your soft-skills". Honestly, at the time I didn't even know what "soft-skills" means, and given that I like resolving such issues directly, I asked "what are soft-skills?", and I got the answer "google it" (ouch!). They (boss + HR) also said that I shouldn't talk about work during brakes, and I should socialize more with other employees. That's all they said, and I failed at pulling any additional information from them.

Given that this is my first professional industry job, I am unable to assess the necessity of having soft-skills, and how much to care about this issue (is it just a formality and I shouldn't really care, or so important, even more than all my programming skills). I don't even know where to start, and that's why I'm asking this question. I'm a little scared! I don't want to fail in my career because of this... while I know that I've been kind of a loner my whole life (and I like it, and honestly some articles like this one give me some consolation, after having felt like a weirdo for a long part of my life).

There's a ritual in the company where I work, where they make a breakfast once a week, and people get together and talk and stuff (and I don't like being there, because I feel it's a waste of precious time). HR said that she'll take my hand to go in there from now on (she was half-joking, I assume, but I must go there)... and honestly speaking, I don't even know what to talk about there (other than work, which I can't talk about there, but all I do is work, and I'm happy and I love it!).

I like solving problems systematically... step by step... so what I'm doing now is that I got some books (e.g., this one) and I'm gonna start reading more about soft-skills... what else can I do? And how much should I care about this?

PS: I'm 31 now.

manpreet 2 years ago

Welcome to the world of small talk and networking.

I have no idea what type of person you consider yourself to be, so I will not go into personality types, but there are some general remarks:

• Everyone is different. A lot of people feel it is easier to do good work if you are working with people you have at least some basic, personal non-work connection with. They feel uneasy if they know really nothing about you, they do not like the awkward silence any more than you do.
• Breaks are breaks. Some people might want to talk about work, but others need a mental break from it to be able to go on. If you want, talk about your personal projects, but maybe refrain from talking about current work.
• Empathy is important. If you have problems with feeling empathy, try "going through the moves". It helps some people. Copy how others react, copy what they do. It might not give you any insight, but it can help.
• Find people interested in the same things. Also outside of work. Go to a programmers meetup (they exist). This gives you the chance to talk to people about what you like, which gives you the chance to generally "practice" soft skills.
• Read up on soft skills. Like me, you seem to be a "brain based" person.I am by no means unemotional or anti-social, but still, I like to actually understand behavior, read about it. Get the theoretical background. It is really interesting. (So yes, google it. As harsh as it sounds, it could have been a well-meaning advice.)