Recovering from an embarrassing misunderstanding about “New Mom's Rooms”

manpreet Best Answer 2 years ago

I am a member of an equal rights advocacy group within my company. We discuss equality issues in the workplace (woman's rights, LGBT issues, equal pay, disabilities concerns, etc) and work with management to ensure our company creates a non-hostile environment and is an equal opportunity employer. I've always been a huge advocate for full equality in the workplace.

Recently, I learned that our company had special designated areas called "New Mom's Rooms". Seeing that as being not equal, I presented to the group that we should create a "New Dad's Room". My rationale was that fathers are just as important to raising children, and they should be equally entitled to a safe space to recover from the stress of having children. I said it was not fair that a new father had to endure sleepless nights, while a new mother could come into the office and unwind and nap whenever she needed. I also brought up the great disparity in our company between paid maternity leave and paid paternity leave.

It wasn't until after I gave my presentation that somebody pulled me aside and explained the "New Mom's Room" was intended for breast feeding women to be able to have privacy while pumping. That instantly made sense to me, and I was immediately horrified when I realized the extent of my incredibly stupid and (possibly offensive) presentation.

That was 3 weeks ago. The group has largely ignored my presentation, and hasn't brought it up again. I'm extremely embarrassed and would like to move on, but I also realize that I probably owe the group an apology. (The CFO was also in attendance, which makes it even more awkward).

What is the best way to approach this situation and apologize, while not drawing attention to my embarrassment? Or is it best just to let it go and pretend like it never happened?

manpreet 2 years ago

I think sometimes people do get carried away with "equality" issues and forget that we are NOT made equal (genetically) and some differences cannot be compared. Your experience is perfect example of that.

My answer probably would be the obvious one:

Send an email to all the attendees, your manager and anyone in your team (or outside) you think may have been offended and apologise. Start with an apology first and then explain why you assumed what you assumed. Do not try to overshadow apology with your justification and do not try to defend yourself. Own your mistake fair and square. So avoid "buts" and "ifs" in the tone. For example, AVOID

"I am sorry but they should have made it clear"

or

"I am sorry if I have offended someone"

Instead something like

I am sorry for my inappropriate presentation. I completely misunderstood the usage and it was wrong of me to invite everyone to hear me out without doing enough background work. I am embarrassed by this mistake and will work hard to learn from it and avoid such mistake in future.

(Of course, you may have better choice of words!)

Finally, do not beat yourself up for it. It takes a lot of courage to accept your mistake and think about how to rectify it. People will eventually forget about it. People generally are too busy to hold onto something like this for too long.